Stressed Out

How To Remain Calm In Stressful Situations – Is It Really That Easy?

You’re a new parent, you started a new and very stressful job, your bills are due and you don’t have enough money, your wedding is tomorrow, your child is acting out, you need to break up with someone, or maybe you are stressing out about that extra weight you have gained. These and many more things can be very stressful and stress can take its toll on you physically and mentally and some of these require you to remain calm in order to get through them, but you don’t know how to remain calm.

You are probably one of many people including myself at times, that have no idea how to remain calm in stressful situations and I am sure you have heard the many ways that others do it and you probably have tried some of those ways but they didn’t work for you.

However, even if you have tried these things before and they didn’t work for you, you can still try them again because I have found that each situation (for me anyway) requires a different way of handling the stress and remaining calm and it may work for you this time. So, don’t be afraid to try again.

1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10.

When I was 18 I found out I was pregnant with my first child and for the most part I didn’t really freak out too much because my thought was, well what is done is done and there isn’t anything that I can do about it now.

Then when I was almost 19 years old she was about to come out into this world and that is when I started to freak out because not only was she coming but she was also breached. Baby being born

This was a stressful situation for me and, of course, everyone was trying to help me remain calm and giving me all kinds of advice including the count to 10 advice.

Here I am freaking out and trying to remember how to count to 10. I never could understand how someone could remain calm by counting slowly 1…2…3…4….5….6…7….8….9…10. Nope still freaking out people, counting to 10 was not calming me down. Maybe I was doing it wrong. Is there really a wrong way of doing this?

Yes there is, I forgot to keep my breathing slow and steady as I counted. So I tried again. Breathe in slowly, breathe out 1…Breathe in slowly, breathe out 2…Breathe in slowly, breathe out 3…etc.

The further along in the count I got, the more calm I started to feel. It actually worked.

See this is the problem and why most people counting to 10 still don’t feel calm, people tell you to count to 10 but they don’t tell you that you also must breathe in and out slowly as you count because just counting doesn’t do the trick. I actually end up counting to 100 before I calm down because I forget to use the breathing technique while counting.

You see your mind is so busy thinking about breathing and counting at the same time that it forgets that you are in a stressful situation and gives it more space to think about solutions or in my case the excitement of meeting my baby girl.

Step Away From The Situation.

Now my child is of the age where she thinks that she is grown and can talk to me any way that she wants because she is grown now and can do what she wants.

I am getting angrier and angrier the more she keeps on trying to argue with me, but I can’t yell, scream, or punish her right now because if I do it will be out of straight anger and I won’t be able to get through to her. This is an opportunity to teach her without destroying that fire in her to the point that she no longer stands up for herself, no longer speaks up.

I can feel the anger building up inside me, so I walk away without saying anything to her and lock myself in my room for a few minutes. Once I am calm, I then go talk to her and tell her what she did wrong and when she should use that fire.

Alone in bedroomWhen you come across a situation where you feel that anger rising the best method for this is to walk away and find somewhere you can be alone until you have calmed the anger inside you and speak to the person in a civil manner. The worst thing you can do is talk to someone with anger because they are no longer listening to you because they are afraid or their own anger has taken control.

I am a big believer that fighting someone or getting violent doesn’t solve anything, it just makes things worse. Now don’t get me wrong I am no saint at all and I do blow up at people and sometimes it is warranted because that person isn’t going to listen to you unless you assert yourself like that.

However, for your own health I highly recommend just walking away, getting yourself calm, and then come back and talk to them and if they won’t listen then try again when they are calm and ready to talk. At least then you will be healthy and less stressed out. I know, this is a little harder to do when the other person is an adult acting like a child, but for your own peace of mind, do it anyway.

Another place for you to go to get away, calm down, and relieve the stress is a gym. Working out is a great calming method and you get to keep your body in shape too. I would also recommend making it a challenge like this one here. It gives your brain other things to think about and I find working out very calming.

Stop, Close Your Eyes, And Breathe.

Now you are at work and you have a pile of things that need to be finished and your boss comes by and gives you another task that he needs done right away, but you are already behind on everything.

Where do you start, how are you going to get all of this done before quittingStressed at work time so you can get home to your family? You can go ahead and finish up what you are doing and then get on your boss’ task, but if you don’t get it done then you may get fired and you can’t rush through it because you can get fired for not doing it right.

In this situation I would stop everything I am doing, close my eyes for a minute, breathe slowly, and think of a relaxing, calming beach, or spa, something peaceful and serene. Think about something that you know feels relaxing because you aren’t going to be able to get any work done unless you are calm enough to think straight.

Stress makes you mentally drained and the only way to be able to get through that is to find a way to calm yourself so that your brain isn’t thinking and stressing about all the possible issues and can concentrate on the best way to get it all done in a timely manner.

Call A Friend Or Mentor.

Sometimes all it takes for you to get through a stressful situation and remain calm is calling someone you trust and either vent to them or ask them for advice.

Asking for helpFor me, I call my mother and vent at her and she will sit there and listen to everything I have to say and when it sounds like I have calmed down enough to hear her she will give me advice on what she would do in my situation. This is the kind of person I would recommend calling.

Sometimes just getting it all off your chest is what will calm you enough to either hear some advice or figure it out on your own.

If you don’t have anyone that you can do this with then I would recommend going to a mirror and venting at yourself. I have done this a few times and yea I felt a little weird talking to myself but after getting everything off my mind and in the air I felt calm enough to figure things out on my own.

You can also just reach out to me at support@zerototwentyone.com and vent to a complete stranger and don’t worry I will not judge and will only try to help you get through it.

Find Something To Distract You For A Short Time.

Finding a distractionSometimes it may sound pretty easy to remain calm in stressful situations, but it is by far one of the hardest things I have ever experienced in my life especially as a parent because you automatically go into panic mode and getting out of that mode is not an easy task.

However, you have to keep trying because it is not healthy at all to be stressed out and makes it very difficult for you to think straight. It will also affect you physically and make you feel absolutely drained.

I am in no way an expert, meaning I didn’t go to school to learn these things, however, I can say I am an expert at being stressed out. HaHaHa!

I am a mother, wife, sister, daughter, and grandmother and I am usually stressed out all the time, but before October 10, 2018, things were going really well and my stress levels weren’t as bad as they used to be. Things were looking up for my family and I was feeling great and my coping techniques were working beautifully.

However, here lately my stress has been even more intense than it has ever been and is the reason I decided to write this article. I was starting to feel ill all the time and so drained of any energy or motivation for anything. So I did my go to calming method, which is to sit in my room alone and think.

While in my room I thought about all the things that were causing me stress (mainly everything that happened after the CAT5 hurricane on October 10, 2018, hit my city) and while thinking about those things, I thought about all the other people that were also stressed and how much I wanted to help them.

These thoughts are what calmed me down and helped me decide to write this article because for me, besides hiding in my room, helping others keeps me calm when I am stressed out. It keeps my mind off of my own problems by focusing on helping someone else get through theirs and it also sometimes helps me figure out how to get through mine.

So find something that gives you a bit of a distraction. You can even use working out as a distraction and why not make it something that you can challenge yourself like this 28 day challenge. That distraction will get your mind off of what is stressing you and give your brain a little more space to think rationally and get you out of panic mode and you get to keep your body healthy.

I hope this has given you some information that you can use to remain calm and that you remain healthy and happy throughout this stressful world.

Do you have a special way to remain calm that I haven’t mentioned above and would like to share with us?

Please let us know in the comments below and don’t hesitate to ask any questions because I am always here to help.

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8 Comments

  • Temi

    First time parent here! Very helpful techniques. I also have found quick breathing in for a count of 4 and out for a count of 5 to be helpful!

    • Kristena

      Temi,

      That is great advice. I will definitely have to give that one a try. Thank you for stopping by and if you need anything please don’t hesitate to reach out.

  • JonathLee

    Hi Kristena, this is a very useful article. Although I’m not a parent and do not feel the stress they would have, I always feel extremely stressful because of all the assignments and schoolwork. And I love the way you do when you’re in pressure, which is close your eyes and breathe slowly, I’ve tried and it really helps me to be more relaxed. Good job!!

    • Kristena

      JonathLee,

      Thank you so much for taking the time in your very busy, stressful life and reading my article. I am so glad to hear that you use one of my methods and that it really works for you. Closing your eyes and breathing slowly helps calm your nerves and brain and allows you to think more clearly which is important when working on school work and assignments. I wish you all the luck in the world with your studies and please feel free to reach out if you need anything.

  • Jasmine Sanders

    Hi Kristena, I thoroughly enjoyed this article. Handling my emotions is one of my biggest challenges, especially when I am stressed so these tips are very helpful. They were presented in a way that felt like you were talking to your audience like you would a close friend. I especially love the extra point of consideration that you included by giving your email to offer support. Great job!

    • Kristena

      Jasmine,

      I feel you on the handling my emotions being a challenge because it is certainly a challenge for me and is the reason why I wrote this article. I know how hard being a parent or finding someone you can trust to talk to without judging and sometimes that is all you need is someone to talk to, so that is why I offered my email. I am always willing to help someone who is in need.

  • Ginger

    I loved your article, as I am a mother of 3 children and 1 grandchild. I have went through 2 divorces and my life has not been an easy one. I used to blow off the handle quite a bit but I strongly agree with your advice on walking away to another room or outside to calm down. I have actually practiced this for a while and it definitey works. I have gotten so angry that I have went into my kitchen and started cleaning to get my mind off of the situation that was making me angry to start with, so absolutely getting your mind off of the problem helps to. Thank you for the article. It was very interesting. Very well wrote out and neat. I would like to visit your site again to see what else you add.. Thank you!

    • Kristena

      Ginger,

      Thank you for taking the time out of your busy life and reading my advice. I absolutely agree that occupying your mind on something else for awhile is another way to remain calm in a stressful situation and I am so glad to hear that you are practicing the removing yourself from the situation at hand to give yourself some breathing room to calm down and that it is working for you. I hope that you find the rest of the information I add to be just as helpful.

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