Everyone has a specific idea of what it takes to raise a child or to raise multiple children. They also have an idea of how someone should be doing it, but unless you are a parent of a child you really don’t have any idea at all. Raising children isn’t the same for everyone and if you don’t have a child you really cannot give someone advice on how to raise them especially if you do not know that child/children.
Every Child is different.
Every child is different so raising them is also going to be different than just taking care of someone else’s child. Raising children is not something that you can learn by babysitting your niece or nephew or watching someone else raise their child because every child has a different personality and every household has a different situation than someone else’s household.
When I was growing up I always thought that since I was so good at babysitting and so good with kids that I would be a pro at raising my own children and I used to try and tell my mother how to do it with my siblings (I am the oldest of 7). Little did I know at the time that raising my kids was not going to be at all the same as helping my mom with my brothers and sisters.
When I became pregnant with my first child at the ripe age of 18 (please do not judge, I know that is way too young) I thought this is going to be a piece of cake and I am going to kick butt at being a mom. Boy was I wrong and I wish that I could go back and tell my younger self to have a better mindset than that.
Getting Advice From Those Without Children.
Well after a few years of making mistake after mistake with my daughter and apologizing to my mother profusely I came to realize that I had no right to give advice to someone about raising their children when I had no children of my own.
Just because I had babysat and did a great job doing it and just because I took child development classes it did not make me an expert on how someone should be raising their child because in reality I had no stinking clue what it entailed.
To be completely honest even people who have children shouldn’t be giving others advice on how to raise their child unless they are asked for the advice. As I mentioned above, every child is different and your way may not be the right way for them.
I mean I hated when people told me I was doing something wrong and should be doing it this way especially when they had no children of their own and I now understand why it upset my mother so much. I had no right and no amount of education about bringing up children was going to make me an expert at it because, again, there is no one way of raising anyone or anything.
At 41 years old I am still learning the best ways to bring up my children and I have 4 now. So, I am not going to sit here and tell you that how I raise my children is the way that you should raise yours, but I will give you some pointers on what I did with mine and let you decide if you would like to try those or not.
Those So-Called Experts.
Are you a parent that has seen all those ads for so-called experts on parenting? I certainly am and in the beginning I thought that their information was going to help make me a better mother because they are the experts after all and their kids are doing so well, but later found that was not the case.
You see most of the experts do have children, but some don’t, and most have gone to school to learn about child development, but most of them have not taken into consideration that all children are different, that household situations are different, and/or they are not giving you the whole story of their family life because, well, they are just trying to sell you their product.
Now don’t get me wrong their advice/suggestions are helpful for a lot of people, but it does not work for everyone and just because it worked for them and they went to school, in my opinion, it does not make them experts on raising children.
Maybe I am just a very skeptical person and don’t trust anyone especially those that have not experienced it before or maybe after raising 4 children (alone I might add) I have just come to learn that there are no experts when it comes to raising kids.
Giving Advice When Advice Isn’t Needed.
You remember when I said that when I was younger I tried to tell my mom that she was raising her children wrong? Well that is what I mean when I say giving advice when advice isn’t needed.
I had no kids of my own and my mother was going on kid number, um, let’s see, I was how old, oh yeah, kid number 6, and she had not asked me for any advice, she hadn’t said anything about not knowing what to do or ask me what she is doing wrong. So there was no need for me to put my two cents in especially since I didn’t even really know what in the world I was talking about.
Giving advice to someone about raising their children when they have not asked for advice only makes you look like a you know what and makes them feel like you are judging them on something you know nothing about. This is a good way to lose that relationship you have with them because you opened your big mouth and inserted your nose where it does not belong.
This is why you should never give your advice unless they are seeking advice from someone and you definitely shouldn’t be providing advice when you have not experienced being a parent.
You Are The Expert!
As I have mentioned over and over again, no one is an expert at being a parent. However, you ARE an expert at being a parent of your own child/children (You know them better than anyone else), I am an expert at raising mine (I know mine better than anyone else), but no one is an expert at raising children in general.
I know that it can be extremely frustrating and sometimes makes you feel less than when someone tries to tell you how to raise your child and that is why I only give advice when I am asked (you are on my site reading this so you, in my opinion, have asked for my help) and my advice is only based on my experiences with my own children and I will never claim that it is what you should do.
I will never state that this is the way it is supposed to be done. I will only state that this is what I did and how it helped or didn’t help and maybe you can give it a try and see if it works for you.
I hope this article helps shed some light on giving a parent advice or helps you feel that, no, you aren’t the only one that hates when people butt their nose in your business.
How do you handle when someone gives you advice when you didn’t ask for it or tells you that you are raising your children the wrong way?
Please feel free to let us know in the comments below or if you have any questions.